The Final Fifteen Pounds

Sometimes it feels like there's no rhyme or reason to the crazy baloney I do. Do you feel like that? So last night, I go home and eat a regular, modest dinner. And then.... on comes the t.v. and out come the peanuts. The salty ones in the shell.  And I eat.  I pay no attention to how many. And here's the deal: I'm not hungry. I think I've been doing a lot of this. And it's not about check this food on and check this food off.   It's about feeling anxious, or conflicted.  I'm going to say it again just so I can hear myself say it. I want to be 173.  That's the goal. Today 191.  I am struggling getting down to my comfortable 188. Here's what I'm going to do about it. Sit down with a sheet of paper and write stuff out. That was a list of one on purpose. That's the one thing I'm going to do.  I'll get back to you with what comes from it.

You ever stayed away from the fattening food for days and then had that quick WANT, that - "Oooo gotta have it NOW!" I had that today. I wanted a Coke. It came at me quickly. Like a stab in the heart out of nowhere.  I didn't give in, and it went away. The feeling really didn't last long. Somehow I was able to get my wits about me and remember that a soda bottle was the last thing I needed in my hand. I wanted it, but I steered away.  That makes four days. Eventually I'll stop counting.  Had enough of that Coke-lust eating my lunch. It's hard to think back and figure out how you get to the place where things go bad. But it is important. And it's crucial that you remember how bad you feel when you actually drink the sugar water (or whatever).  Okay, of course I don't feel bad right when I drink it; I feel bad later. That sick feeling from too much sugar and salt and caffeine all at once like a bomb in the belly. Also the mental pa...