Weight Loss is Weird

 I can say that I've been successful at weight loss. And that makes me happy, but there are some weird things about it. 

Last year, in 2020, I lost 55 pounds. This year I have gained 15 of it back. 

When I look at my weight chart, I can see that my lowest weight was in February of 2021, over a year after I started losing. 

But then, it started climbing. 

I'm not altogether sure why. But I do know this: it was about my head, not about my carbs or calories. 

Here's a list of things that contributed to my regain, not excuses, triggers.

1. I caught Covid in February. I was actually down 60 pounds but I don't count that as loss. Food didn't taste good. 
2. My dad and his wife caught Covid. And both died. 
3. I visited my family in the wake of my dad's death and the visit shook me. 
4. Emotions steamed out of my heart like so much boiling water. 

When I was down 60 pounds which put me at 158, I still had a gut. I thought what am I doing here? 

So gradually I began researching workouts for guys over 50. 

I changed my workout to match my age. 

But still, to this day, I have a hard time following the program. I think I would be doing well at 165 but more muscled than I was when I go there earlier in 2021. 

And here I am avoiding writing about the big thing that changed. In the Spring of 2021, I admitted that I was eating compulsively. And that it mattered. 

Weeks before that, I had found a recovery group called Celebrate Recovery. I like CR because people with all kinds of addictions and issued (hurts, habits, and hang-ups) come. I found that I identified with them all. The drug addicts, the sex addicts, the alcoholics, the co-dependents, the abuse victims. All. My story was similar enough to theirs that when someone would testify that they started using alcohol at the age of 14 or whatever, I understood. 

See, I repress my emotions. And I think that is true of a lot of overweight people. 

But I'm a Christian, and I misread the message of the Bible and thought that my ugly thoughts and feelings needed to be buried. That's not true. They needed to be admitted. I needed to be honest. 

My life has veered on a precipice of ruin because I was dishonest about these hurts, habits, and hang ups in my life. I was hurting. But it didn't seem Christian to admit them, even to myself. 

In the process I wasn't trusting Jesus to help me with them. I was trying to do it all myself and stuffing anything that I thought might make me look less than Christian. 

But the Bible tells us to come to Him with our sins and difficulties. He heals. He forgives. He loves. 

And in this new understanding of an old truth, I began to find healing. 

So here I am, working on the final 15 again. I'm at 175 today. I want to be down to 165. At least 168 anyway. 

It's a struggle. But it's an adventure. And I'm meeting new friends along the way. 

Be blessed.